A space to work with windows to the soul

As an artist and my own worse critic I decided recently that I had lost my way.   With no real direction I felt as if I was going around in circles. My husband and all his infinite wisdom suggested I get a studio.  I think he got tired of hearing my swan song about how great things were back in the day.  Like the old bedraggled cat who had lost it's lustrous coat ~singing Memories...
 I had surrendered to my years and resided in believing "I was beautiful then. "

I have always maintained a creative life but I was starting to question wether I was challenging myself enough.  Let's just say I had gotten  really crafty, the buttons and bobbles were taking over.  With all this self deprecation, I was  sounding a bit odious and down trodden,  it was clear to my husband Dave that I wasn't happy.   About this time summer with all her blazing glory was closing in yet again.  Kids were going back to  school and Mothers would begin to fluff and improve their nests,  and hopefully their general outlook on things.  With the season changing it felt like the right time to hunker down and do something.  The next week we found our selves down in the West bottoms of KC checking out studio spaces at the http://www.hobbsbuilding.com/  a over one hundred year old  brick building.  After a quick look  we decided rather impulsively to lease out space for a year.

The building itself is phenomenal.  Standing righteously 7 stories tall, built  out of brick and mortar.  Inside there are two original freight elevators that chug along delivering an array of clicks and pulley sounds of a hopefully well greased machine.  What struck me as probably the most impressive were the massive wood beams that provide the ultimate infrastructure and support  to this building.

            

                                                                                      

I don't know that much about architecture but I do know they just don't make buildings like this anymore, they are a thing of the past. I try to imagine the old souls, maybe wood workers who worked  in this turn of the century building.  I see them in black and white like an old photo there are young and older men dirty, covered in saw dust, they wear their caps cocked over to the side.   They are  hard working  and have hard lives, filled with all the aches and pains of physical labor.  Some of them are still smiling like they have just been joking around and know life is too serious to take seriously.  I wonder what they would think about the great wall of graffiti that graces the alley way out side my studio windows now.  This collaborative artwork has become  a landmark for trendy photo opts.  Larger then life lettering that intertwines on itself are left over insignias of street artists that are compelled to leave their mark.  A long row of these cryptic signatures are left here outside my windows colorful, abstract  and whimsical, I have no idea what they mean.  At the end of the alley in a defiant finish a very seductive giant ladies head is painted by a women who calls herself fem9. Her lips are so demential looking  you could swear  she just licked them.

I am still unsure of the what's and the where's of  this ambiguous way of art,  but now I have the space to search, dig and delve.   As I lay awake at night sometimes I pray  in the darkness of my room.  I  have asked for God to shine a light on my path and give me some kind of direction. It starts to rain outside and I still feel like a child.  I don't want to get lost in a quagmire of indecision and self doubt.   I pray that with this light I may give birth to art, like little fledglings in a nest.  All I can do is hope and wish that one of these birds of art  will grow up  to be fierce and soar like an eagle or be a dove the messenger of peace and love.  I make a deal with God,  I tell him you have given me these talents, this is my gift to give back but I can't do this alone. I'll meet you half way.  I still can't sleep so I get up and read an email about an organization named after John Capistrano who is seeking to solve life problems .  It's motto is " Initiative, Organization, Activity."  I like the way this sounds I pray for these things too.

                                  Prayer Glasses


Here are a pair of eye glasses that I have made a collage out of.  The vision/ lens area acts  as as metaphor for thoughts just like the expression ~ the eyes are the window to the soul.  

With all these thoughts I think 'yes' my  cup is full ~I have a space to work with windows to the soul.